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Comment Card Scolds National Park For Failing To Train Bears Better

It looks like someone doesn’t quite understand the concept of wild animals. A family who recently visited Yellowstone National Park in the U.S. left quite a constructive comment at the front desk. It said, “Our visit was wonderful but we never say any bears. Please train your bears to be where guests can see them. This was an expensive trip to not get to see bears.” Clearly, the bears should’ve known better than to hide…like wild animals. Representatives with the park were not immediately able to confirm the authenticity of the note. But judging from the comments people leave at provincial parks here in Canada, it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to believe it’s true.

Smart bear

Cops north of Toronto look for owner of Skittle stolen during break-and-enter

Leave no stone unturned, amirite? Police north of Toronto are trying to reunite owners with a large amount of stolen property after they executed several search warrants as part of an investigation. Among the possessions listed in more than 125 photos? A single orange skittle with a faded “S.” (Because we all know how precious tasting the rainbow can be.) A police spokesperson said the candy was photographed by an investigator and sent to the police force’s media relations department as a joke, and was never supposed to be posted online. Whoops!

Woman chugs entire bottle of cognac rather than give it to airport security

There was only one problem: They deemed her too drunk to fly. A Chinese woman was trying to make a connecting flight from Beijing to Wenzhou, China when security officials stopped her to confiscate her $250 (CAD) bottle of Rémy Martin XO Excellence, saying that it contained more than 100 ml of liquid. Instead of surrendering the drink, she took a massive swig and downed the entire bottle. Soon, she was “so drunk…she couldn’t even stand up for herself.” The woman ended up missing her flight.

Drinking

Man with ‘world’s longest penis’ says women are too afraid to have sex with him

This guy’s giving new meaning to the term “one-eyed monster.” Roberto Esquivel Cabrera of Mexico says his 18.9-inch penis is so long that not only does it leave him unable to work, women are too afraid to even have sex with him. Doctors in the country have apparently conducted an X-ray to determine if his claims were true, and they found that the main part of his member was six inches long while the rest was just extra skin. Cabrera wants his dong recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records.

US city to keep ‘habitual drunkard’ list to fight public inebriation

Drunks are such a growing problem in Illinois that a police department is compiling a “habitual drunkard” list to keep track of them all. Officials say the list will include “certain clientele” whom police have to deal with all the time — meaning six encounters or more in a 120-day period. Those who end up on the list won’t be able to purchase liquor in the area and local businesses are expected to comply.

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