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Jamie Dornan, who will play the S&M-loving Christian Grey in the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie, revealed in an interview with The Guardian that there wouldn’t be a lot of revealing going on. At least on his part. That’s right, folks, if you were hoping to see Dornan’s bits and pieces, his twig and berries, his Little Jamie, well, prepare for disappointment.

“There were contracts in place that said that viewers wouldn’t be seeing my, um…Yeah, my todger.”

So this might be as low as we’re going to get with him.

50_shades_strip

Dornan explained the decision to not (fully) drop trou rather candidly: “You want to appeal to as wide an audience as possible without grossing them out. You don’t want to make something gratuitous, and ugly and graphic.”

Soooo, no sex then? “[Director] Sam [Taylor-Johnson] is a very bright woman, so there might be some suggestive elements to it, but I haven’t seen it at this stage, so it is hard for me to say,” he admitted gingerly. “I’m aware of what we shot, and it wasn’t as if we shot a film without any action.”

With talk that co-star Dakota Johnson “isn’t coming off sexy enough” and now this no shots of Dornan’s Johnson news, we’re starting to wonder how hot this movie is actually going to be.

50_shades_whip

Seriously, though, no wonder poor Dakota is getting slammed, however inaccurate and untrue those reports are. While we will see Jamie all smoldering and angry, we can bet that we’ll be seeing every inch of Dakota. Ahh, the double standards of nudity in Hollywood. Will they ever change?

nope

Look, we get it. The male region down there isn’t the prettiest thing and maybe, if we’re lucky, we’ll get the odd butt shot from Dornan or see his pants hanging “just so.” But realistically, it’s Fifty freakin’ Shades! It’s about a couple getting turned on by their hands touching, intense gazing or a biting of the lip and it’s jam-packed with sex and spanking and whipping and bondage. And Dornan doesn’t get naked?! What a rip-off! Tit for tat, we say.