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If Masters of Sex has taught us anything, it’s that it is important take charge of one’s sexuality. So we’re totally behind the idea of this naming contest from Sweden, which asked respondents to come up with a new term for female masturbation. We just really can’t get behind the name that they chose to represent half of the population’s sexual pleasures.

Not when that word is Klittra. And nope, even though it sounds like the latest line of impossible-to-assemble IKEA furniture, Klittra is not a Swedish name. It’s actually the combination of two words supposedly associated with getting off: clitoris and glitter. Because everyone knows that after you have an orgasm you throw glitter around and twirl some noise makers. Or something like that.

In reality, the intention is kind of sweet, since it highlights the importance of the clitoris in actually having an orgasm. Or, one kind of orgasm (clitoral and vaginal orgasms are different), at any rate. But seriously, glitter? Everyone knows that glitter is impossible to get off — the only worse thing we can think of is sequins (shudder). Couldn’t they have combined something a little less scratchy, like Klit-bumping or Kloking (as in stroking?)

Actually, we have several other suggestions, plenty of which are already in use around the world:

  • Rubbin’ the nubbin’
  • Auditioning the finger puppets
  • Pearl fishing
  • Spelunking

Okay on second thought none of those are our favourites either. We definitely need a new word ladies. That’s why we’ve put together this poll. Let us know what you would name female masturbation, below. And be sure to stay tuned to The Loop for a winner soon!