“This is it, the final award of the night.”
That’s how it’d go if Andy Samberg ran the Golden Globes—eight or so minutes into the ceremony and we’re already wrapping things up. Sound too short? Are you really married to the three-hour-long alternative?
After the red carpet show has come and gone, do we need another 180 minutes of actors giving awards to other actors—actually, we might… if the show was as action-packed as Samberg’s version (and with a score by Joanna Newsom, please).
During his brief time onstage handing out the award for Best Actress in a TV Series, Samberg presented us with some pretty great ideas for Golden Globe ceremony highlights—straight out of his hilariously warped imagination.
For example: have Rob Lowe fall off the balcony; make Tom Hanks throw up; invite Bill Cosby and get him to confess to the crimes more than 50 women accuse him of; unveil Patrick Stewart‘s secret hair; and find a way to include the fire guitar dude from Fury Road. (How did they not do that this year? What a missed opportunity.)
A Sambergified Golden Globes would have us laughing and leave us with a strong sense of accomplishment—because who hasn’t longed for a final verdict on the proper way to spell Kate/Cate?
And we’re sure Samberg’s got more where those ideas came from. A more realistic bear suit for Jonah Hill perhaps? More elbow room for Leo? A less Blink-182-esque haircut for Channing Tatum? An all-sweatpants red carpet and Slip ‘n Slide aisles to get winners to the podium faster? Heck, we’d be happy just to see Samberg get a shot at hosting next year. So, what do you say Hollywood Foreign Press—can we count on your votes?