Sometimes you don’t feel sexy. Or you feel bloated. Or tired. Or you just don’t like the way the sheets feel today. Or all of the above. There are so many reasons why we might not be in the mood for sex.
But a Canadian study has found that (assuming you’re with someone you care for and are both consenting), just doing it–even if you’re not in the mood right away–can result in a good time once you start getting busy.
It’s like when your partner decides they want pizza for dinner, but you’re craving Thai. Obviously, you’re still going to eat together, so you go along with ordering pizza, but, let’s be honest, you’re not thrilled about it. Yet once that warm box filled with doughy crust covered in gooey cheese and crispy pepperoni arrives, your attitude changes. Suddenly, pizza looks and smells a whole lot more appetizing than you’d made it out to be in your head. So you grab a slice, mouth watering, and as you’re eating it, you realize, hey, I’m actually really enjoying this.
Sex, it turns out, works the same. And this goes for both men and women (because *gasp* men also say, “not tonight, honey”).
Let’s be clear, this “just do it” philosophy is based on consenting adults in loving relationships. Obviously. This is not about submitting to someone, and not about your body not being your own. If you absolutely do not want to have sex, do not do it. That’s all kinds of wrong. But if you have the slightest inkling that you might wanna get hot and heavy between the sheets, just do it. Once you get going, chances are you won’t regret it.
Need a reason other than the pleasure? Remember that sex is healthful in all sorts of ways. According to various studies and experts, compiled here by Webmd (which, let’s face it, we visit 100 times more frequently than our real doctor), sex can:
- relieve stress
- lower blood pressure
- improve sleep
- help keep the immune system healthy
- and it’s basically cardio…or can be
And remember, sex isn’t just about the act itself. “It’s the intimacy and connection that happens before and after,” says Dr. Robin Milhausen, associate professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Guelph. Intimacy is a key component of a loving relationship, and if sex helps you build that, then we say, bring on the sexy times.
So really, it comes down to changing your perspective when it comes to having sex. Try giving yourself a little push. And maybe you’ll both end up enjoying the pizza.
WATCH: Here are some of the most common sex myths debunked.