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Wife crashes her own funeral, horrifying her husband, who had paid to have her killed

He should probably get a refund. About a year ago, Noela Rukundo was in Burundi, attending her stepmother’s funeral. But when she arrived back at her hotel, a man with a gun abducted her and tied her to a chair in an abandoned building. There, the hitman explained he had been hired by her husband to kill her, but said he didn’t believe in killing women. Instead, he held Rukundo there for two days and released her unharmed, and told the husband he had completed the job. That’s when Rukundo flew back to Australia where her husband lived, and literally attended her own funeral. You can just imagine the look on his face.

Wife facing jail for not doing enough housework

OK guys, where’s the time machine? A husband in Italy is accusing his wife of “[mistreating] the family” because–get this–she apparently failed to do the cooking and cleaning. This prize of a husband didn’t stop there, though, because he also said that her “poor management of the household chores” resulted in a lot of food being wasted. The man also claims his wife kicked him out of their bedroom, which is just a total surprise. The couple will go to trial on Oct. 12.

Uniformed Officer Mistaken For Stripper While Checking On 50th Birthday Party

“You have the right to remain sexy.” Police officer Mike Ober says he was on patrol one evening in the U.K. when he noticed a house with its door left open. Thinking it was suspicious, he decided to investigate. But once he went inside, the officer was greeted by a room full of mostly women who immediately “went wild with excitement.” When he explained that he was actually a cop and left, Ober says he saw the real exotic dancer walking in.

Stripper cops
Giphy

Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop Accused of Assault

BAM! SWOOSH! Jail. When an officer at The Evergreen State College in Washington, D.C. confronted a man who was tearing down fliers outside of a library, he took off and led the cop on a foot chase. A struggle ensued, and the suspect was eventually taken into police custody. But the weird part of the story didn’t occur until they were logging the man’s name: Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop. The suspect says his name means “the explosion of awareness of the interconnectedness of the infinite love in the universe.”

DEA warns of stoned rabbits if Utah passes medical marijuana

Sounds like Utah’s going to need some more carrots once those munchies kick in. As the state considers whether or not to allow certain patients to access medical marijuana, the DEA weighed in with its testimony as to why it believes doing so would be a bad idea. Special agent Matt Fairbanks said he believes if the bill passes, the state’s wildlife will “cultivate a taste” for weed, lose their fear of humans and basically be high all the time. It’s unclear just how much weight that testimony will carry.

Clive the Cat, Missing for a Year, Found Fat and Happy — in Pet Food Warehouse

Talk about a clever cat! Workers at a pet supplies warehouse spent an entire week desperate to catch a cat that had been living within (and eating) stacked boxes of food. When they finally secured the animal, they put a call out on Facebook in an attempt to reunite the animal with its owner, and also had it checked for a microchip. Fortunately, the chip pulled up the owner’s information, and the cat is now back in her possession. “I can’t believe he’s so porky,” she said.

CAT FOUND in our warehouse in Stapleford, Nottingham NG9 7BW. Believed to be a Norwegian Forest Cat, MALE, chipped as…

Posted by Kennelgate Pet Superstores on Wednesday, February 3, 2016