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Woman nearly breaks husband’s penis while shopping on phone as they make love

Multitasking is usually a good thing. A couple in China were getting hot and heavy one night when she suddenly rolled over to grab her phone and started shopping online (a testament to the poor guy’s skills, perhaps?). But when she reached for her device, her partner let out a loud yell and complained of pain in his penis. By next morning, his poor member had turned purple. Turns out his erectile tissue had been ruptured in that last-minute sale check. Fortunately, doctors expect him to make a full recovery.

Wrap it up

Man Says Buying Hot Pockets Saved Him From Plane Crash

Hot Pockets apparently do a whole lot more than satisfy your hunger. Ohio man Jason Bartley was just wrapping up a series of errands this week when he suddenly got a case of the munchies. Instead of heading home like he planned to, he instead stopped at a store to pick up some Hot Pockets. By the time he actually reached his apartment, the whole place was engulfed in flames. Turns out a plane had crashed into the building, and Bartley believes if he hadn’t picked up those Hot Pockets, he would have been inside when it hit. Unfortunately, there were no survivors in the crash.

Edmonton’s environmental report includes phone number to hear message from a tree

In order to draw more attention to Edmonton’s annual environmental report, officials have given nature its own voicemail. That’s right, there is a now a phone number available that allows residents to hear messages left by a tree, a gentle breeze, a trash can, the North Saskatchewan River and so on. But rather than hearing leaves rustling or water running, the messages are actually left by voice actors. “Edmonton’s air is second to, some,” the gentle breeze’s message begins. “It’s time to think smarter, it’s time to reduce.” The recordings cost $5,000 to develop.

800-pound ‘Godzilla’ gator terrorizes shopping center

We really need to do something about those rogue dinosaur eggs. A giant alligator dubbed “Godzilla,” emerged from waters near a Texas shopping centre before wreaking havoc on the customers inside. Likely lured in by door-crasher Black Friday deals, the 12.5-foot gator soon sent hordes of shoppers scrambling for cover. An animal trapper was eventually called in, who was later forced to call in a forklift just so they could get the animal out of there. “Godzilla” will now be living in an animal reserve.

Godzilla

Cops pull over, but can’t ticket driverless Google car

What now, officer? Police in California recently pulled over a car after they noticed it moving at a gridlock-inducing speed of 40km/h in a 55km/h zone. But when the officer approached the vehicle’s window to hand the slowpoke a ticket, there was a slight problem: The car had no driver. It was actually a Google Autonomous Vehicle, which was being tested in the state’s local roads this week. The officer was able to get in touch with the operators of the vehicle and no citation was issued. “Driving too slowly? Bet humans don’t get pulled over for that too often,” Google replied.