Anyone who has kids knows what a joy they are. They’re delightful, they light up our lives, they become our reasons for being. But in another sense, it’s all downhill from here. And we’re referring to sexy time. Because let’s face it. There is no more sexy time. Sexy time is over.
There was a time when you would do it anytime, anywhere. And now? You’re busy. You’re tired. You’ll take vegging in front of the TV or getting to bed early to start it all again over sexy time. But every so often you or your partner needs it. And yeah, you can’t have a five-minute shower without someone crashing into the bathroom so seven minutes in heaven? Impossible. Half that will have to do.
That’s what Constance Hall posted about on Facebook. Parent sex. Read it and anyone out there with children who can’t relate is a liar.
We had “parent sex” yesterday.
You know what parent sex is, it’s that 3.5 minutes you get in between changing nappies and making food,
where you notice that all of your kids are pretty distracted,
Where you realise it’s been almost a month since you banged and are starting to feel like flat mates,
Where your husbands seduction consists of one finger pointing towards the bedroom and the other hand on his dick,
Where you position the bed to have one foot against the door because for a loud bunch of kids, yours can be pretty quiet when they’re sneaking up on people,
Where no matter how hot it is you chuck the doona on top of yourselves in case someone manages to barge through and catch mummy and daddy doing “yoga” in bed,
It’s a pretty romantic scene really, listening to Iggle Piggle in the back ground, knowing your days are numbered when you here the add break.
Men are amazing and impressive creatures, by sheer determination, it’s inspiring how one can manage to “finish” under such circumstances, us women, aren’t always so easy.
All the while gleefully thinking about how much of a sex goddess, vixen you are and how your fella is finally going to stop being an arse for at least a whole day.
Well mine was pretty impressed, even if I just lied there, saggy boobs, baby belly pouch, hairy minge and all, he still thinks I’m amazing.
It’s a parent’s way of life. It’s not ideal and it makes you feel old and remembering what the good ol’ days were like. But that doesn’t necessarily mean we want those days back. This is our new normal. You know it. You don’t love it. But you’ll take it.