Imagine this, gentlemen: One day you wake up to discover you’ve become a woman overnight. Shocking? Sure. Impossible? Definitely. Interesting topic for hypothetical advice? Hells yeah. And thanks to Reddit user tallguy49, who posed the question, “Girls of Reddit, what advice would you give me if I was to magically become a girl tomorrow?”, we have plenty.
Note: answers have been mildly edited, because that’s how we roll.
On fashion and beauty:
Read as many tutorials on makeup, hair, hair removal and fashion as you can. Practise until you get it right. Not because it’s the most important thing, but it’s hard to get right and makes a huge difference to the way people treat you.
Submitted by Reddit user no_leaf_clover
If you find a shade of lipstick you like, or the perfect bra, stock up because they will be discontinued next week.
Submitted by Reddit user Kellianne
Get measured for your bra. Don’t guess. Get a few fun ones, but remember all those bright colors show up through thin shirts. Plan accordingly.
Submitted by Reddit user lustywench99
Be prepared to walk home in the shoes you’re wearing. If they would be too uncomfortable to do that, take along an alternate pair in which you could. Your 4 a.m. party feet will thank you.
Submitted by Reddit user Dearness
Save your money and buy men’s razors. They are just the same, except they’re not pink, or scented. I don’t know why men’s razors are cheaper, but I’ve been using them for 2 years and they work just fine. Also, enjoy trying to find clothes that particularly fit your hips, ass, and boobs. We’re all built differently, but apparently most clothing is made for one type of person. And none of us is that person. If you just became a female today, and you’re going swimsuit shopping, I f**king pity you.
Submitted by Reddit user eyeofdelphi
On your new package:
Wipe after you pee. You don’t have a magical d**k now.
Submitted by Reddit user IrisGoddamnIllych
Don’t be afraid if a fart travels forward. It will happen. It can be uncomfortable.
Submitted by Reddit user Rawrzimon
Always pee after sex, and wipe front to back.
Submitted by Reddit user pregnantandsober
Pee after you have sex to avoid a UTI.
Submitted by Reddit user idreaminmeme
And if your period is late and you’re starting to panic, just wear white pants and/or your nicest, most expensive underpants and before you know it you’ll have a totally different reason to panic!
Submitted by Reddit user SevenSixOne
On not getting accidentally pregnant:
Set a reminder on your phone that goes off every day so that you don’t forget to take your birth control!
Submitted by Reddit user PM_ME_4_AFFIRMATION
On dealing with men:
Take notice of all your male friends. You go from having a body that looks like theirs to a body with boobs and curves, and being a little plump in areas that they find attractive. Suddenly, your friends want to be more than friends. I mean, they’ve already established what an awesome person you are since they’re your friends, but now they think about spending time with you in bed.
And that’s basically how puberty went.
Submitted by Reddit user jacq_willow
Prepare yourself to get hit on and hit on hard. Some days it makes you feel nice. Other days you’ll want to wish you never got saddled with breastickles in the first place.
Submitted by Reddit user psychogasm
Get used to men not taking you seriously in arguments. Especially if you are correct. They will also laugh at you and refuse to let you Google to prove a point.
Submitted by Reddit user LovesBigWords
Guys are going to assume you are there for their pleasure, even if you are clearly hungover and just waiting on the bus to get to work. Don’t bother with them. There are plenty of men out there who treat women like people, so it’s wasteful to spend too much time hating/trying to attract the attention of these self-centered men.
Submitted by Reddit user silentxem
People will insult you by calling you fat whether you’re fat or not, whether they have a reason to be insulting you or not because it’s effective in our society. Try to cultivate a realistic body image… Peroxide gets blood out of most things, but do a spot test first.
Submitted by Reddit user radiumcandy
Be prepared to get judged for everything. Looking too nice, not looking good, being too skinny or too fat, and you will apologize for every question you ask before you ask it because you’re afraid you will annoy others. Screw them. Keep that head up and remember to clean yourself often.
Submitted by Reddit user Meyonaise
Accept the body you’re given. Look after it. Don’t worry that your boobs are too small or your bum is too big. Love your hair even if it’s mousey brown and totally blah. Get pedicures even if your nails are like claws and your feet smell. Have great sex, even if it’s just with yourself. Eat chocolate and drink wine. Walk on the beach and dance until the wee hours. But don’t forget to sleep lots. Enjoy being awesome.
Submitted by Reddit user Dweeblingcat
On having fun:
Go to the nearest semi-fancy bar and order one of those drinks that have descriptions like they’re a bizarre candy. They’re delicious.
Submitted by Reddit user alittleperil
On being a believable woman:
Females commiserate together, while guys offer solutions. When your female friends starts to complain about something to you, show empathy and don’t offer advice unless asked. Say things like, “That is really terrible” and ask more questions about the situation… [Women do this] because they know the answer to their problems already, they just want a friend to talk to about it.
Submitted by Reddit user ChirishFriendo
Ladies, what advice would you give to newbies?